By Ackeisha Kimberly Kent
|My name is Ackeisha Kimberly Kent, I am 29 years old and I am a survivor of Incest, which is sexual abuse suffered by the hands of my father. My abuse started around 9yrs old at least that’s from where I could remember. My abuse robbed me of not only my innocence but also my self-worth. It took me to places in life where I tried to commit suicide and eventually led me into the trap of my second encounter where I was raped after running away from home trying to escape my abuser father, but ended up in the hands of another abuser this time a rapist.
My experiences broke me into many pieces I disappeared and reappeared as figments of myself, I was so confused, frustrated, hurt and angry.
The long dark road to recovery was a hard and painful one numerous counselling sessions, speaking and sharing my story with those who I think would care, some did and some didn’t but with time I started to heal. With God I was mended, and my spirit was set free, and though to this day I still sometimes cry I know my tears give me strength.
Child Abuse is like a cancer eating away at the core of its victims and if not caught on time can lead to death! so because of what I have been through I have decided to fight! I have decided to be a light of hope to myself and others who have faced or are going through sexual abuse or abuse in any form. I decided to be the voice I once wanted to speak for me but never got; I have decided to be that change I want to see, but I have also decided to be a force to be reckoned with when it comes to this issue. I am the Voice of the Voiceless” #IStand #isurvived #NowitstimetoHelpmakeAChange!
After enduring sexual abuse, domestic abuse, and judgement from society, they were times I wished the “Panadol” pain killers I swallowed in 1996 had worked. Sometimes I felt like it was easier living with the secret than speaking up. After years of fighting the demons that were released in me after every episode of my abuse I fell into a serious state of depression and anxiety. That’s when I knew it was time to fight back if not for me for the 5 beautiful souls that God entrusted me with “KSJSD”. After failed relationships, friendships, and marriage I began building a support team to face the demons. I realized I wasn’t mentally prepared to face the demons and my support team had a lot of weak links. I felt like my world was crumbling like the World Trade Center on 911. I eventually was able to connect myself to 2 awesome individuals who is walking this journey with me. As we began to unlock those cages one by one, sometimes we even have to put some demons back in the cage for a later date because of its intensity like hurricane Irma and my battle field (“my mind”) was too frail to with stand. I began to realize that I wasn’t a survivor. A survivor is a person who can overcome obstacles and adversity in life and stand their ground. I was allowing sexual abuse to define who I am I wasn’t a survivor. So I had to face the harsh truth and put my armor of god on and pursue my journey to find my AUTHENTIC SELF. Today I am learning how to trust, live, be honest with self, love, and most importantly how to receive and embrace love.
I AM NOT MY SEXUAL ABUSE… I AM A MOTHER, A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A FRIEND, I AM A WOMAN WHO ENDURED A LOT OF TRAUMATIC EVENTS, I AM SAMANTHA.
PS. The great Maya Angelou once said ” there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside”
My name is Akieta Stanislaus and I am a 35-year-old mother of 3. I am a survivor of sexual abuse, it all started with my neighbor who was very close with my mom. We will take water at dey place so he and his girl-friend will always give me things and he always say to me “u is very pretty lil girl”. He gave me food and stuff them he start touching me hmmm sad this animal rob my innocence he made me feel like I did not worth anything. Then it started again with my step dad and that was the worst. So, I run away from home that night I sleep outside in the toilet because I did not tell my mother anything because she was not going to believe my me. I will always run away from home lord that broke me badly. I did even want to be around friends in school so I dropped out, I hated myself for allowing that to happen to me up to this day. I sit and cry, I got counselling but to me it was not helping me at all, my biggest fear right now is any time I see this man my heart will beat so fast, I am still afraid off him
Molestation Manifestation is a hashtag I coined to bring awareness to how molestation has affected our lives. That looks different for everyone. I have several ways I can share with you on how the result of molestation has manifested in my life. This particular experience I’ve chosen to share is one that really became a problem at the age of 30.
I’d just moved to Northern Virginia just outside of D.C. I became roommates with an older guy I’d met in a hookah bar I was working in at the time. The owner of the hookah bar had introduced us because he knew I was looking for a place to stay. The guy offered me a bedroom in his place for $500.00 or a cot in the living room for $300.00 I took the living room which meant he and I’d be sleeping in the same area. I was never sure as to why he didn’t take to room but it was his place. I just wanted to save up enough money to pay for school. I moved in June, 2011 and we never had any problems besides him wanting to me to be his friend. I didn’t want to. To me, we were roommates. That was it. On September 11, 2011, a Co-worker/ friend of mine was leaving the area to leave Italy. So we had a couple glasses of wine to celebrate her move. I went home and my roommate came in as asked if I wanted to smoke some of his weed, I inhaled a couple of times and went to sleep, or so I thought. What I really did, I wouldn’t find out until years later. So, after thinking I went to sleep, I woke up at 6AM naked wit semen between my legs. I started freaking out and screaming at him saying “You raped me!” I called a friend to take me to the hospital to have a rape kit performed on me immediately. This began a yearlong rape case from 9/11/11 to 9/11/12. He was incarcerated during that time. After my case ended, I had to move back to Pittsburgh, PA to care for my Mom. Throughout my time in Pittsburgh, this same scenario would play out 2 more times in my life.
One night after work in Pittsburgh, I’d gone to the bar. Something I’d done frequently since moving back to Pittsburgh. It was how I chose to cope with my depression at the time. After leaving the bar, I went home and my friend/neighbor had stopped over. I remember kissing him which was something we’d never done or even come close to in the 13 years we’d know each other. After that, I blacked out. It was as if I went to the movies and saw the opening credits, went to use the bathroom and when I came back, the closing credits were playing. However, the time lapse felt like I’d just went to the bathroom and came right back. After what felt like no time passed, we sat on the couch, I looked at him calmly and said his name, he said “Was sup Mel?” I said “Get the fuck out!” My voice was calm and my tone had a sound of utter disgust. Again, like the time before, I knew something had happened, I just didn’t know what. The next morning, I seen him and asked him what happened the night before? Surprised I had no recollection, he said “You don’t remember? I don’t want to tell you if it’s going to affect our friendship. I’d rather not say.” I said “It’s fine, I need to know.” He says “Well we kissed and then you pulled my dick out and sucked me off until I came. We then found a plastic Ziploc bag that you spit in. I tried to stop you because I wanted to have sex with you but you were set on oral sex. I also tried to return the favor but you wouldn’t let me do that either. You sat next to me on the couch and told me to get the fuck out. It was like you were 2 different people. One who was set on what you wanted sexually and very aggressive about it and one who was angry it even happened.”
It was this situation that cause me to start looking at the situation in Northern VA. differently thinking maybe I was subconsciously consensual and maybe even the aggressor, whatever it is, I played a role more than victim. As I replay myself snapping out screaming “You raped me!” I can remember Mr. Northern VA looking at me like I was absolutely crazy, as if he was confused. So from the Pittsburgh experience on, I began wanting to know what actually happened knowing there was more to understand.
Because 3 times is a charm. This would play out again with a random guy in a bar. I woke up in my car knowing something had happened, I looked down realizing I had no pants on and I was wet. This time, I didn’t know what had happened. No one was around. I do remember talking to a guy but nothing more. This was the last experience like that but I never stopped wondering what was happening. In April. 2017, I decided to go to an alternative modality healing school and as we started to learning about mental health issues and concerns, I knew then that I’d gotten my answer. I’d learned that sometime when people experience traumatic situations, the mind will block out and/or create multiple personalities to protect the person. In my case, I was doing both. This sexually aggressive personality somehow fed my need to be in control of something that I couldn’t control as a helpless child being molested. My blackouts occurred because my spirit/subconscious mind couldn’t accept what was happening in those moments. Hence the reason I’d only black out during the act and then be angry and enraged afterward. Upon my realization of this, I am abstinent and I stopped drinking June 10, 2017 with the exception of 9/11/17. I’m also learning to heal and let go. Thank you for opening your hearts and eyes to my story. Please feel free to share your #Molestation Manifestation. You can share it on my FB Melinda Smalls or my IG accounts Melonie or Waistbeadsmadewithlove and if you’d like to remain anonymous, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.